Enough

[allykat727]

Hi allykat,
as a stark reminder of the horrors of cancers that stalks everyone as a unspoken fear, this works and makes me glad to have the health that I do have. As a poem I think there are a few things that could be done to help the read. I'll leave a couple of thoughts.
Overall I liked the concept of telling the horrors and the trials of cancer - a worthy subject. In places it feels like a bit of a list and I would have liked some more images.
All the best I hope some of these comments are of help. AJ.

Hi Aj, thanks a lot for your comments and observations. I must say, your point about it being a big block of text makes complete sense. I think the reader does need breathing time. I will have to put some thought into where I'd like these breaks to be. I am conflicted because I wanted the piece to depict an acceleration of sickness that finally comes to a halt. With pauses in between, that acceleration becomes interrupted. There must be a way to keep both

On a different topic, WOW I did not realize how easily this piece comes off as depicting LITERAL trials of cancer. It is actually about my struggle to quit smoking. The allusions to cancer, sickness, monster, etc. are all supposed to be representations of the addictive desire within. I need something more concrete to convey that right in the beginning. If I may ask for your opinion... maybe you can read my piece once more and see if you have any suggestions as to how I can make this clearer?

Lastly... it is VERY listlike. It began as an assignment in a creative writing class where I had to tell a story in the form of a list. But including more imagery would make the piece stronger, I am sure.

Thanks again for your feedback! I really appreciate it!