Dear sir, I think....

Dear sir, I think....

Keith

No Time On His Hands Now

Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012

07-12-2013, 07:12 AM

(07-11-2013, 10:34 AM)benthejack Wrote: Hiiii TOMH,

good shit! To be honest though I preferred the original, the succinctness of it captured the moment better (I think it would make an awsome Senryu if you could compact it into that format). It felt more like an actual momentary (shitshitshit) event, the intro of the fly seemed like unnecessary filler.

But great twist!

Ruv you rong tym
btj

Thanks for the advice BTJ I have culled the edit and will look to improve the Senryu ability of it. Cheers TOMH

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out

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Messages In This Thread

Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-08-2013, 09:55 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Volaticus - 07-08-2013, 11:35 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-08-2013, 05:39 PM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Robbie Reaper - 07-09-2013, 03:21 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-11-2013, 06:00 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by benthejack - 07-11-2013, 10:34 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-12-2013, 07:12 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by rayheinrich - 07-12-2013, 07:30 PM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-13-2013, 02:06 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by rayheinrich - 07-13-2013, 07:53 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-14-2013, 08:06 AM

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