Dear sir, I think....

Dear sir, I think....

benthejack Offline

member

Posts: 27
Threads: 15
Joined: Dec 2012

07-11-2013, 10:34 AM

Hiiii TOMH,

good shit! To be honest though I preferred the original, the succinctness of it captured the moment better (I think it would make an awsome Senryu if you could compact it into that format). It felt more like an actual momentary (shitshitshit) event, the intro of the fly seemed like unnecessary filler.

But great twist!

Ruv you rong tym
btj

If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?

www.benjack.co.nz

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Messages In This Thread

Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-08-2013, 09:55 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Volaticus - 07-08-2013, 11:35 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-08-2013, 05:39 PM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Robbie Reaper - 07-09-2013, 03:21 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-11-2013, 06:00 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by benthejack - 07-11-2013, 10:34 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-12-2013, 07:12 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by rayheinrich - 07-12-2013, 07:30 PM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-13-2013, 02:06 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by rayheinrich - 07-13-2013, 07:53 AM

RE: Dear sir, I think.... - by Keith - 07-14-2013, 08:06 AM

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