Adam's Choice edit 1

[cidermaid]

Hi Brownlie,
This is an excellent effort and a good read.
I cannot better fogglethorpe's advise on the actual form so I will try and offer some other comments.

Shall I go eat this apple hanging here? I agree that "go" makes this line feel a little awkward. But it is a great opener for the subject. Re the Adam / Eve thing perhaps F has a point but this could be easily rectified by changing the title to Eve's choice. As to reguards the whole apple thing...well yes if you really want to be nitpicky but then if you had mentioned about a citrus fruit, which is perhaps a better translation of the type of fruit possibly indicated in the original texts, then very few people would get the referance. I think apple is fine. It carries a whole wealth and depth of understory and images that everyone can easily identify with. Basically any sentance with the word apple Adam or Eve in plugs people straight into the plot with no confusion. this then frees up the rest of the poem to explore the ramifications of the story line. (which i think you have covered pretty well).
The adders whisper out for me to eat. Do you want adders singular or plural here? (just move the S to suit...having niggled at F's comment for nitpicking I now want to nitpick and make it a singular adder - can't please everyone ). Also out sounds odd in this line. No suggestions right now thought
What knowledge hangs, will I become a seer? I love this line as a refrain.

Its vibrant reddish hue a tempting sweet.
The snake is wisdom hissing sweeps through leaves.
Shall I go eat this apple hanging here?

The children play in gardens. Father’s with fear Got a bit of a comprehension stumble over the the father's with fear bit. Did you mean the father have a fear or they project fear into the children? And is this meant to be The Father (above) or a father? dispite the abiguity of this I do like the thought paths it makes as a whole stanza
are overbearing weights with rules decreed.
What knowledge hangs, will I become a seer?

What sounds beyond the garden I can’t hear
are ripe in tempting apples. Shall I cheat?
Shall I go eat this apple hanging here? Nice. clever use of words to make double images work

Is Satan thinking he beguiled Eve
by adding blush to her now vibrant cheeks?
What knowledge hangs, will I become a seer? Same comment as above - nice

Forbidden fruit so sweet with truth so near
that hangs as red as bloody life, a feast.
Shall I go eat this apple hanging here?
What knowledge hangs, will I become a seer?

Overall i think you have done a great job on this.