Saying Goodbye (first edit)

[fim]

A Difficult Farewell
Revision 1

Moisture collected below sky-blue eyes
that seemed to darken to slate gray,
my mind swirling, sickened and groping,
aware life would never be the same;

joy would never be as abundant,
peace never as serene,
emptiness a new life-long companion,
hope relinquished only to dreams.

Comfort was decimated by frantic anguish
in my final embrace with my son
the military would make the boy a man
a transformation that can’t be undone.

My smile cracked then completely collapsed
as he turned and slipped out of sight;
as I listlessly lumbered toward the parking lot
disturbing scenarios flittering through my mind:

my feet were covered with mud and moss,
I’d wandered from the trail.
My eyes dart about for a familiar feature
desperately … but to no avail;

I glared at the batter with resolute disdain,
ground the ball deep in a well-worn mitt,
elevated my arms as I twisted and kicked,
without a clue as to what I might pitch;

I slid a stack of pricey chips
beyond the betting line
then gazed blankly at an elevated infinity
oblivious to the dance of the die;

I radioed for takeoff clearance,
the tower released me to fly,
I pushed the power levers forward,
taking off without a flight plan on file.

I dropped you off at the airport,
got in the truck and headed home,
unnerved by the realization …
that life's color seemed completely gone.