The Allure of the Tempest (1st Edit)

[fim]

Hi fim, I enjoyed reading this one, but do feel that your poem would be helped by adding in some punctuation. (Is there a reason or personal preferance as to why you do not use punctuation?). I'll leave a couple of thoughts on individual lines.
All the best AJ.

[quote='fim' pid='131029' dateline='1372609233']
there is magnificence in her purity
in her power and dominance
and despite the risks inherent
there are those who lack the sense

to steer a course clear and safe
from the tempest and her mystical allure
adventurers, most commonly sailors,
to the fitful fury are drawn This line feels awkward.

to the twirling wisps of atmosphere This is a lovely vivid image
that succumb to the tempest's demand
to the enticing energy that draws them close
'till they join in the frantic dance Overall a lovely stanza

a tumultuous twirling of one's senses
apprehension that grows in one's core
the presence of awe-inspiring power
near the gateway to the evermore

yet those so inclined sail from tranquil seas
toward pummeling main veiled in foreboding mist
compelled by an irrepressible attraction
that disregards the clearly-evident risks This stanza is not working for me the second line in particular - I don't get the main veiled referance, but the use of pummeling and foreboding mist are good strong words / images

from calm to calamity
from security to inevitable threat
from routine and ordinary
to a wager far more than he should bet Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think this stanza feels like it is just padding and could perhaps be taken out without loosing anything from the message of the poem....but this is just my opinion, wait and see if anyone else has a comment

what provokes a man to entertain the notion
that he could join with the tempest and survive
or could it be that the lure of the tempest
provides the moments he feels most alive? Nice ending

Cidermaid,
thank you for taking the time to critique The Allure of the Tempest. I am going to take your comments (and allykat727's) and go into rewrite. As soon as I get done I will post it. I am going to try to salvage the "padding" stanza, it was one that I really liked... but your input will have me reevaluating its merits and contribution. Thanks to PigPenPoetry critiques I am starting to realize that the old adage, "Less is more" often applies to my poetry. Again, thanks!
fim