A Passing

[billy]

your lost half foot is acceptable as it reads as a headless iamb. I actually liked the effect and read the last 2 lines several times to catch /what/ I liked about it. Your 13th line, the accent is on 'more' twice in a row with the no more phrase. You subtly shift the accent to 'No'. I would say keep it, but read through it a few times to see if you like it.

i could accept what you say if there were the slightest intention on my part of leaving the half foot out on purpose. to leave it out now would feel like i cheated. i do accept that some mistakes can be good mistakes but this is one that wouldn't have happened had i not altered it when it when it already worked with all it's feet

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It carried scent of ferns, unfurled a smell scent and smell is not working, I think you should choose one or the other.
of loose barked silver birch and stretching oaks. I know the scent. Loose barked gave it away. a bit adjectivey though ( technical term).
Then dallied by the poplar's narrow strokes
and wooed a hermit thrush that trilled along
on branch; its spotted breast so proud in song.
The parted bluebells swayed, within the glade
as chorused foxglove sang aloud in shade,
the mottled woodland wrapped me in its spell. I don't speak this language , but it sure sounds nice

The years, like winds of old have bled away blown away, not bled, and not "like" if you want the full metaphor for the next line. Try something like this: Those years are winds long past, they blew away,
and with them flew the softness of the trees.
now terracotta houses rise like sails.
and sewerage pipes are threaded through the brae. I see nothing wrong with sewage. I've never even heard sewerage. We call it sewage in the U.S. (or just sewer)
No more the wooded hills, no more the breeze. the wind still blows, just not the same one, in keeping with the "blown away" line. Maybe: that breeze, old winds, those winds, etc.
No more summer's dell, no more the vales.

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i pronounce sewerage as sew ridge

I really like this poem, and the theme about civilization overtaking nature.

a concurrence regarding some thoughts others had helps me a lot for the eidt when i do it, thanks for the feedback.

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I enjoyed it. I kind of got lost in the forest of the first bit, perhaps too much jammed into one place for my tastes, even though I love the forest and its panoply of unending wonders, but it was a fitting stage on which to set loose the final paragraph that danced and sang with a terrible fury so damn nicely, the change of pace from wilderness to th ratrace was well done. well done

thanks for the feedback always good to see new guys giving it out