07-06-2013, 03:43 PM
(07-06-2013, 03:28 PM)TRLustig Wrote: A now old foe from a bygone day, crossed my path as I went my way; the clash of steel, the ring of war, the blood pumping in my ears once more.Your spelling mistakes are too pronounced to be wordplay so I suggest that first of all you correct them, forum rules, then remove all cliches.
It was good to cross his path again, the war long dead, greeted as a friend. My blade still sings of our glory days, when we danced the dance as predator and pray.
With a nod of the head and a twitch of the wrist, the memory of weight that once hung from my hip, we went on our way, towards our own true fight, to walk form life's bright day to night, and wage the war that no man wins, against time itself, and winter's cold winds.
time HEALS
bygone day
crossed my path
went my way
went on our way
clash of steel
blood pumping in my ears
greeted as a friend
glory days
PREY
danced the dance (and no, walk the walk is no substitute)
nod of the head
day to night
wage the war
winter's cold winds.
Remove all the above and you will have a very terse verse...but unique

Alternatively, repost in mild...but do one or the other.
Keep writing,
Best,
tectak

