Quote:It carried scent of ferns, unfurled a smell -- scent and smell are the same thing, so one of them is wasted -- perhaps "It brought a hint of ferns" -- I have no problems at all starting with "it", I think it's fairly obvious that it's not just wind but the entire atmosphere -- wind is too small a word
of loose barked silver birch and stretching oaks. -- nice personification and I know the smell you mean
Then dallied by the poplar's narrow strokes
and wooed a hermit thrush that trilled along
on branch; its spotted breast so proud in song. -- "on branch" is not good, it's forced -- but this would be easily fixed by "its branch" or even just "the branch".
The parted bluebells swayed, within the glade -- no comma needed after swayed
as chorused foxglove sang aloud in shade, -- aloud is awkward -- perhaps "sang across the shade" or something
the mottled woodland wrapped me in its spell.
The years, like winds of old have bled away --"bled away" seems a bit emo and not terribly relevant to the image -- "slid" might help
and with them flew the softness of the trees. -- I'm not sold on "flew" but the image itself is good
now terracotta houses rise like sails. -- capital N and no full stop
and sewerage pipes are threaded through the brae. -- nice
No more the wooded hills, no more the breeze.
No more summer's dell, no more the vales. -- you're short here and I think the repetition gets a bit much -- perhaps "No more the summer dell and gone the vales."
Very good bones and for the most part, you've nailed the IP which is a pretty big deal.
PS. Sewerage is the network of pipes and such, sewage is the shit that flows through them, so your spelling is correct and I'll certainly allow the elision because that's more or less how I'd say it too.
It could be worse