still I can fly (thank you Brownlie, Volaticus, and Billy)

[billy]

I rather like my edited version, but that may be because I had a hand in creating it. I thought you had some good lines but superfluous language could be trimmed.

this is miscellaneous so i can go off topic a bit.

i just want to say, "well you would rather like your edited version of it as you say, it's your edited version"

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i'm always wary of giving feedback in this forum, (i wonder if the poet wants it or not) but here goes nothing;

i like the poem, we go on despite life's challenges. and until our voices die we can sing. i think you could lose a few of the filler words. but that's about it. for instance, i'm presuming you're sightless in all shadows? if that's true then [help] isn't needed nor is [the] that follows it.

I’m an odd bird,
clumsy and askew
with but one wing
to guide me.
Still I can fly;
I am alive.

Rustling leaves on my branch
shake my foothold.
I am sightless here in the shadows.
I would sweep swaths of light across the
dark but my art has forsaken me.

I’ll fly away
chiming like a bell
when the dawn ignites the sky.
I have a voice,
Can you hear me?