Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter

[R.C. KITCHENS]

I have a feeling I'm really going to get it with this one Not sure if herbaceous works here.

Road-Kill

When I am driving rural roads, the dust
would "while" work better here?
"while driving rural roads". But, If you use while,
you would need to change the lines thereafter.

Will cloud around windows, as gravel creaks
Beneath, the wheels that hold a heavy force.
To me, you could do what Milo suggested and
make the words flow more smoothly by dropping
certain words. for example, "when I am driving rural roads, the dust will cloud around windows" could be set up as "While driving rural roads, dust
clouds around the windows" or "While driving rural roads, dust clouds around windows." Also I notice the capitalization of "Will"
I agree with TecTak, "Beneath" doesn't need the comma. It reads awkwardly with it placed there.
Herbaceous eating quadrupeds will die.Well, I see that you are trying to make sure were not focused on the preying mantis as the quadrupeds your speaking about. I don't know about the line. Ah, further down I see that you used "rabbits". I'm assuming you didnt want to use the same word twice.
When driving long enough, a man will come
Across a wealth of dead and flatly laid
Road-Kill. It’s spring, and roads are rife
With fragile rabbits symbolizing life.
I think "when driving long enough" leaves us with a vague Interpretation of time and distance.
The brake-pads of my car are wearing out
From halting stops, but even brakes don’t cease
I agree with Milo, "Prevent" is a more suitable word.
Inevitable death. The cracking spines
That signal unexpected ends on roads.

I saw this version and the long version. I read them both and withheld comment from the long version to comment here. I think the long version spent to much time focused on detailing to many things from the brake pad's, rabbit's and human thought. It was a little tough at times. The revision is a better and more compact version that conveys the same sentiments. I like it aside from the capitalization of every line and a few places where it could be made stronger, I see a potential piece.