The Allure of the Tempest (1st Edit)

[allykat727]

The Allure of the Tempest
fim 7/4/12

there is magnificence in her purity I like this first line. it is forward and gives a clear sense of what the piece is about.
in her power and dominance
and despite the risks inherent
the are those who lack the sense Is 'the are' a typo?

to steer a course far and wide A tad cliche
from the tempest and her mystical allure
adventurers, most commonly sailors I was a little confused at this line for a moment... you might want to consider using periods & capitalization?
to the fitful fury are drawn

to the twirling wisps of atmosphere interesting!!
that succumb to the tempest's demand
that anything (and anyone) that ventures to close the repetition of 'that' in this line is bothersome; 'to' should grammatically be 'too'
must join in the frantic dance I definitely like 'frantic' here

a tumultuous twirling of one senses 'one senses'... hmm? maybe you meant 'one's senses'? I'm not sure how it could make sense otherwise
apprehension that grows in one's core
the presence of awe-inspiring power
near the gateway to the evermore A truly powerful vision!

yet those so inclined sail from tranquil seas
toward pummeling main veiled in foreboding mist Very good imagery
compelled by an irrepressible attraction I like the use of 'irrepressible
that disregards the clearly-evident risks

from calm to calamity Nice play on words.
from security to inevitable threat
from routine and ordinary
to a wager far more than he should bet

what provokes a man to entertain the notion
that he could join with the tempest and survive I might suggest adding a '?' here
or could it be that the lure of the tempest
provides the moments he feels most alive? Very cool way to end the piece

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece There is a lot of good imagery and vocabulary. I think the meter and rhyme scheme could use some work, however. But those kind of critiques would probably be more appropriate in a 'mild' or 'serious' critique thread. Anyway, I thought you did a good job of conveying the mysterious attraction to danger that many of us can relate to... and I liked how this danger was set at sea. Great job!