07-01-2013, 02:36 PM
(07-01-2013, 04:21 AM)Vistaldust Wrote: On Forgotten HistoryThought provoking and enjoyable to read. Thank you!!
From musket sprays to cannon waves nice internal rhyme
Echoes cry out from silent graves would it flow better if you removed 'out'?
From gunners grips to cold steel ships just my opinion, but I find 'cold steel' to be a mouthful that interrupts the flow
The generals cry out from silent lips same question on 'out'?
Did they ever know their fate was so clear?
Even brave hearts of courage play with fear a bit of an obvious rhyme here. i would encourage you to get creative
Arlington knows the courage it keeps
Buried below where the soldier sleeps i love these two lines!
The battles still rage in a veteran's soul
Louder than a lecture hall's picture show. hmm I think you should use a stronger example. A lecture hall's picture show might be loud, but it doesn't convey the trauma or distress that exists in the soul of a veteran
We hear of the past with ageless depiction,
But hold of its essence as though it were fiction I love the way you end this piece. It captures that distance we maintain between ourselves and the bloodshed and strife throughout human history
