Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter
#3
(06-30-2013, 06:44 AM)rowens Wrote:  When I am driving rural roads, the dust

Why, "When I am"?

It's talking stiff. But I'm stiff and drunk.

Maybe you should loosen up some of these lines.

But I'm in the mood to be wrong.

And the comma after "Beneath"?

I do feel the rhythm there though.
Good to see you back Rowens. I used "When I" to keep in line with Blank Verse but that may be unnecessary.
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Messages In This Thread
Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by Brownlie - 06-30-2013, 06:11 AM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by rowens - 06-30-2013, 06:44 AM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by Brownlie - 06-30-2013, 07:16 AM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by rowens - 06-30-2013, 07:20 AM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by tectak - 06-30-2013, 07:11 PM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by milo - 07-01-2013, 02:35 AM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by milo - 07-01-2013, 01:44 PM
RE: Rewrite of Road Kill Much Shorter - by milo - 07-01-2013, 02:33 PM



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