06-27-2013, 04:14 PM
Hello Jblue here, first time posting here, just stumbled onto this forum, anyway into my critique at first I was turned off because of the repetitive rhyming, but as I read it aloud a second time I came to appreciate it better, and I think the flow works well, and I actually like the repetitive rhyming of the last line of every stanza, The opening is good, and I like that the poem shifts with the rhyming of the second line, perhaps if you could work a rhyme in there that works with drones maybe that would be interesting also, it doesn't have to be in the same stanza, but then again that is symbolic as I think about it because that first rhyme is standing "alone" so maybe it works well, I agree with one of the comments above I think maybe an image could be created rather than speaking about images, usually when someone starts speaking about images in their head they begin to explain about them, or that is what a good writer would do. or they would just go right into the images, because there really is no need to tell the reader that you're seeing images if you just start saying what images you're seeing. Can't think of anything else, anyway keep up the good work 