Sun-wise (Re-post from misc to get crit)

[milo]

Stone grinds out a diamond arc,
trilithons frame the heel.
Beasts of burden down from field,
parade around the fire's wheel.

Rural beacons blind the night,
leapers launch above the flames,
marking out the crops new height,
all-fathers play their manly games.

Sun passes power onto leaf,
vervain, trefoil, rue and rose
sleep to dream of loves new lease,
the bard within reclaims belief.

I have read this about 30 times now and I keep refraining from commenting. I like the sonics at work. I love the density of the language. I am having a real problem though with your choice to sometimes use articles and sometimes not.

"down from field", "onto leaf", "reclaims belief" in a poem where you use many articles all feel very awkward to me.

Also, I loved the ballad meter you started in the first 2 lines and, for me (and probably only me) I would love to read a version done in all ballad meter (4-3-4-3) because I feel instinctively it might work very nicely here.

Still, I loved the read overall, the imagery and density were fantastic.