(06-25-2013, 02:59 AM)rayheinrich Wrote: "The DECADENT SHIRE!"
Enter not this shadow place, for within its nook love found no space. -- rhyme without meter to match, quite unbalanced
A shire so fallen in the cruelest sense. The regard of its caretaker
never holding any respect. -- unmitigated prose, with a vague generalisation ("cruelest sense") to boot
For innocent care was not rendered and selfish greed had taken over. -- tell, tell, tell
The spoils of this fallen dream became a twisted dying clover. -- what the? A good example of rhyme driving the word choice with no regard for meaning
It was sad to see but inevitably known. -- awkward, telly and vague
These were the lost memories of a reality so empty and alone. -- awkward, telly, vague and stupid
Even William Topaz McGonagall would have hung his head in shame at this one -- I do hope it's not by a well-regarded poet, Ray.
It could be worse