Sun-wise (Re-post from misc to get crit)

[tectak]

Stone grinds out a diamond arc,
trilithons frame the heel.
Beasts of burden down from field,
parade around the fires wheel. "fire's wheel" or "fire wheel" or "fired wheel"

Rural beacons blind the night,
leapers launch above the flames,
marking out the crops new height,
all-fathers play their manly games.

Sun passes power onto leaf,
vervain, trefoil, rue and rose
sleep to dream of loves new lease,
the bard within reclaims belief.

Hi TOMH,
We are risk of becoming seen as members of a mutual admiration society...for which I hold you responsible
This is good poetry....though not an acceptable crit, and so I will expand.
What you have done is condense. The words are compact and dense without becoming over-adjectival or clever. The balance is excellent. There are bits I do not "like" but I cannot deny that having a personal opinion of a piece is what tells me that I like it enough to care.
In S1, for example, there is a beacon of need in the singularly turned phrase "Beasts of burden down from field" which has an at once "unnatural" and yet colloquial "feel" to it (...Beasts of burden down from't field.) For me, though, it is a lubricated rhyme which slips in without too much force. The hyphenated "all-fathers" is also enigmatic. Is it a term I am unaware of in this pagan portrait? If not, why?
S3 loses nothing by breaking the at best tenuous rhyme scheme but it does not stamp intent on the verse. In other words, it could be accidental. You could firm it up by saying "stop" at the end of L3. A full stop would isolate the closing line and definitively declare that you are not trying for rhyme in this stanza. There are other ways but who am I to suggest alternatives?
By the way, last line. "prose" rhymes with "rose". Oh, bugger. I just can't help myself.
Very Best,
tectak