Sun-wise (Re-post from misc to get crit)
#4
(06-24-2013, 09:19 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  
(06-24-2013, 08:59 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote:  Stone grinds out a diamond arc,
trilithons frame the heel.
Beasts of burden down from field,
parade around the fires wheel.

Rural beacons blind the night,
leapers launch above the flames,
marking out the crops new height,
all-fathers play their manly games.

Sun passes power onto leaf,
vervain, trefoil, rue and rose
sleep to dream of loves new lease,
the bard within reclaims belief.
It sounds good when I read it out loud but I'm missing something on the meaning. Huh Is this some pagan society celebrating the sun and the harvest?
Mid-summer, thanks for stopping by.

(06-24-2013, 09:18 AM)billy Wrote:  i can oly leave the same feedback here Wink

i think this is excellent.
everything about it.
the stressed start of most of the lines works really well
i'm not sure what the form is called but its a solid example Big Grin

it's image rich and i'm struggling to express how much i like it. for me this is the best poem of yours i've read to date.
Thanks Billy that means a lot coming from you, I'm not sure what the form is either so that probably means there aint non. In fact having just read it back its all over the place, still I like things messy. Thanks Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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RE: Sun-wise (Re-post from misc to get crit) - by Keith - 06-24-2013, 09:25 AM



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