06-22-2013, 05:04 PM
I love the first line! I think it works really well as an opening.
The rhythm and rhyme are very well sustained so it has a nice flow. (The first two lines are the only ones that end on an imperfect rhyme but I don't feel like it disrupts the flow in any way...)
Is there a reason, why the second stanza has different punctuation at the end of the lines than all the other stanzas?
I like the poem as a whole, but I thought that maybe a little more imagery would be good...? With the first line I immediately have a very clear (and interesting) picture in my head and I can completely relate to what the narrator is talking about, but after that it sort of feels more like a narration of his feelings.
Like: "My mind invokes the images of lives I may have known." --> maybe it would be more powerful if we got a glimpse of what those images are...?
I'm not sure, I'm not really an expert... just a thought
Enjoyed reading it, so thanks!
The rhythm and rhyme are very well sustained so it has a nice flow. (The first two lines are the only ones that end on an imperfect rhyme but I don't feel like it disrupts the flow in any way...)
Is there a reason, why the second stanza has different punctuation at the end of the lines than all the other stanzas?
I like the poem as a whole, but I thought that maybe a little more imagery would be good...? With the first line I immediately have a very clear (and interesting) picture in my head and I can completely relate to what the narrator is talking about, but after that it sort of feels more like a narration of his feelings.
Like: "My mind invokes the images of lives I may have known." --> maybe it would be more powerful if we got a glimpse of what those images are...?
I'm not sure, I'm not really an expert... just a thought
Enjoyed reading it, so thanks!