06-22-2013, 04:54 PM
(06-22-2013, 04:47 PM)billy Wrote: hi serge. let start off by saying i see you're trying for something extra in your artistic endeavour here, the poem has a slow jazz feel to it though maybe the vid is the thing that makes me see the words that way. i have no idea what the accented syllables are for, and think the background stuff would better at the bottom of the poem. doing a line by line of it is beyond me. in suppose ways it feels like a concerto with highs, or in this case lows and lows. getting ten bucks seems
low because it looks like an anti climax
i watched the munchen vid while reading the rest of the poem and it added something though i'm not sure what. it did allow me to read the whole poem 4 or 5 times as though i was on a slow march.
And by a
plucked bass
Romani-style.
somehow capture the freedom within the piece. it has a sonic quality.
The Romani man
played it good
on and on and on:
Kept me walking
out of town.
straight out of town.
i like the repetitions in this small stanza, which obviously feel connected to the freedom thing i was on about.
the girls pic which is very nice, makes the poem to personal for me and i feel as though i'm intruding on something, which i may be, but i'd sooner want to be part of the poem that to be an interloper into some love thang.
the nazi blethering for me is to..i'm not sure really but it's feels a bit forced, maybe it's the lines
But one of you knew why.
...
You have to be brave.
His death, too,
will make sense.
I spare myself and you the rest.
wish i could have been more help, i'm not used to the artsy stuffthe vids do add to the poem
i just saw it's in miscellaneous oops, I can put it in serious if you want
I dunno, billy. Maybe wait a bit before moving because I add stuff to this (to me important stuff). It is part of the tramp dossier.
Ty for the feedback. I'll get to that.
young serge ;-) Ha!
the accented syllables: the shops were closed= no beer = idle = accented sylables. ;-)
bad state of mind.