did you mean tousled (pronounced tussled) on line 6?
at first i thought it would be a rhyming poem
a solid effort. i did enjoy the 3rd line better as an opening line
which makes me ask, would the 3rd and 4th line work better as the opening two line while lines 1 and 2 become the 3rd and 4th line.?
the line
They're living, breathing, taunting things
feels forced
the reading of the poem is very easy and each word flows into the next.
overall as i said earlier. a great effort
at first i thought it would be a rhyming poem
a solid effort. i did enjoy the 3rd line better as an opening line
which makes me ask, would the 3rd and 4th line work better as the opening two line while lines 1 and 2 become the 3rd and 4th line.?
the line
They're living, breathing, taunting things
feels forced
the reading of the poem is very easy and each word flows into the next.
overall as i said earlier. a great effort
(06-14-2013, 10:05 AM)c.gutzwiller Wrote: Elusive as a sea of sand
Slipping through a grasping hand
My thoughts are vapors in a storm
Shapeless, swirling, and they're gone
Memories, philosophies
Tosseled on a mental breeze
Teaching me to know anew
Thoughts are neither false nor true
They're living, breathing, taunting things
Forcing me to look, to see
Until at last I understand
The beauty of the slipping sand