06-20-2013, 03:45 PM
break up some of the lines. when you come to a period start a new line and see what that looks like.
the last line doesn't make any sense. lines like;
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
give the reader very little.
show us how she was sublime and sensitive and sens....etc.
sublime as afternoon tea and a game of croquette.
as sensitive as peach hair
sensuous like bacon lube and satin panties...oops
but you get what i'm saying i hope. some words need to be suspended on or in an image.
the last line doesn't make any sense. lines like;
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
give the reader very little.
show us how she was sublime and sensitive and sens....etc.
sublime as afternoon tea and a game of croquette.
as sensitive as peach hair
sensuous like bacon lube and satin panties...oops
but you get what i'm saying i hope. some words need to be suspended on or in an image.
(06-16-2013, 11:40 AM)ernestgoodwell Wrote: She was charming and intriguing.
In the way she carried herself, She employed no girlish airs for she was not a girl.
She wore the wounds of broken passions. Old beyond her years her eyes where youthful but experienced
Delicate and gracious, she gifted us with a fleeting smile. Any man would be blessed to receive it.
Sublime and sensitive, sensuous and sensible.
her hair, careless and lustrous ; complimented her playful rouged pouting lips.
She understood you just as you would like to be understood.
She had was modest, expected nothing of anyone.
not finished yet any pointers?