06-19-2013, 11:20 PM
Quote:The images are old familiar friends
"Old familiar friends" is on the edge of cliche. By itself, it would be over the edge, but maybe it's not because of what follows. It's something to think about.
that flicker in and out of cluttered minds.
I like the pair "flicker" and clutter" here.
We cry sometimes to see the broken limbs,
of blooded children dusted by their war;
Do you mean "bloodied"? "Blooded" doesn't necessarily mean injured, e.g. "cold-blooded". Also, with "their", it sounds like the prior referent is "children", but the young usually fight the wars of their elders.
small price to pay for freedom’s curdling call.
Ripped hearts and doll-dead bodies
do not move us anymore.
I see a conflict here with "We cry sometimes" above.
It seems one sun above is not the God,
to steal and stir immiscible beliefs
into that promised meld of humankind.
This is a little confusing to me. Are you trying to express insufficiency, i.e. "one sun above is not enough/to steal..."?
As if the furnace heat of holy lands
could ever cool enough to firm the melt;
I think the above semicolon needs to be a comma, since what follows is a dependent clause.
or by attrition reach a setting point.
We pray for peace no more.
What point or purpose in a winning hand
when all the gains are lost to join the game?
What trait within the evolution meme
If I understand it correctly, a meme is supposed to be like a conceptual virus. You make it sound like evolution as a concept is responsible. I think "stream" would make more sense for traits that flow to us from ancestors.
can so destroy the child, yet pass through time?
And when we lie alone and in our beds,
what answers come as sleep comes drawn by peace?
Not one; we dream away each war.