06-17-2013, 10:59 PM
(06-17-2013, 10:46 PM)Brownlie Wrote: Hopefully, I can get on a keyboard later and better examine this thing. I like when you describe the dead rodent I feel it works as a metaphor for much more. The line with the flea seems like a forced rhyme' with bite of flea is awkward. I think you should keep editing this one and repeatedly examine it with fresh eyes after the fervor of creation has faded. I'd like more on fungi but that's probably boring to you by now.SHIT BROWNLIE!
If you have to put the dog down make sure the narrative is clear.
I hope I won't be putting her or ME down for a while yet!
Not rodents....rabbits....first line. Myxomatosis...carried by a flea bite.
No metaphor....just a straight forward dead rabbit
Simple poem, no profundity.
Thanks for your take, though. It helps me understand your poetry!
Best,
tectak