She Is Pregnant

[tectak]

The fear of impregnation
Anticipation of hue and cry
The feeblness of her existence
The fear of outcry

Absent her will to confront
The unpreparedness
Of her demeanour
Oh! So unprecedented

Shovel loads of raven infatuation
Blazing ambers
All but defenseless
Equipped with a daring ploy
To seed her with ecstasy
Bundled up
With guilty heathen pleasures

There

She is pregnant
Pregnant with joy

Hi remote,
Well, it is dire. This posting is nothing more than a sackful of badly expressed sentimental twaddle. OK. You may feel that a little harsh but beleve me, it could be a stock phrase. This kind of pseudo-poetic nonsense features strongly on "other"sites where it would be fawned over by peers hoping for mutual back patting...but that would be to do you a great disservice; assuming, of course, that you want to improve in your work...and "work" it is.
This piece is just puerile in that it simplistically assumes that the crits here will be impressed/moved/inspired by over modified hyperbole and glaring yoda-speak. Kid's stuff. "absent her will to confront"?" Oh! so unprecedented". "blazing ambers"?
So what to do?
Please, forget your delusional and failed intent to induce emotional responses in your reader...that is too far ahead in your journey. Get the rudiments in place. Forget trying to put icing on the icing on the icing and just bake a cake. Ingredients are everything. Concept, structure, grammar, syntax, imagery, metaphor, sonics, alliteration, flow, meter and if you wish..rhyme.
This piece is binable. It happens. It was overbaked. Start again. Milo gave you a good recipe. You can modify to suit and it will still be your cake. The metaphor ends here...with poetry, you CAN have your cake and eat it.
Best,
tectak