She Is Pregnant

[milo]

The fear of impregnation
Anticipation of hue and cry "fear", "anticipation, "feebleness", "exixtence", "fear" - all abstraction is such a short passage of time. Modern poets need grounding in the concrete. Use imagery and fresh, crisp details as well as sonics and poetic devices to capture your reader.
The feeblness of her existence
The fear of outcry

Absent her will to confront
The unpreparedness
Of her demeanour
Oh! So unprecedented

Shovel loads of raven infatuation
Blazing ambers
All but defenseless
Equipped with a daring ploy
To seed her with ecstasy
Bundled up
With guilty heathen pleasures

There

She is pregnant
Pregnant with joy

This isn't really a poem at all but a list of abstractions. It is so abstract the abstractions are actually modified with more abstractions. Double modified at that. I couldn't find a single salvageable phrase, image or concept in the while thing. I read it through 10 times and each time was a chore. I never learned anything about the narrator (other than that they should read a little poetry before writing) or the elusive "she". Yah, maybe it is a dog, maybe a doe. All i know is that she is overcome with conflicting abstractions.

I just wish there was some solid narrative, some clever usage of language, a single concrete image or any poetic device at all employed here.

I am sure you are a great person but maybe you should work this through the novice forums or try a couple practice exercises before serious.

milo

Pregnant, fat and full of joys
she spends the afternoon at knitting.
When she was thin she kissed the boys;
pregnant. Fat and full of joys
a baby is all burps and toys
and cries and sucks and endless shitting.
Pregnant, fat and full of joys
she spends the afternoon at knitting.