06-12-2013, 11:57 PM
Yes, I like this a lot. A few things to be absolutely sure about... there is a feeling that you watch him or her read her book a lot, that this has happened more than once. Is this intended?
You have nothing in common - this seems very definite. Do you mean you don't know if you do have anything in common?
The last line ... I'm not sure whether this is really happening or not. Either way. I don't think it really adds anything. Also "well, that's just fine" - is this ironic? I'm guessing. It could take a exclamation mark. If not, it's not fine ... perhaps I am suggesting there could be more of an emotional direction, of discovery ... you notice him / her and gradually the silence / attraction fills the room (for you) until it's all you can think about (although you are projecting this onto him / her who is reading book) and then what ...? Does this make sense? Other than that I like the meter and flow and all.
You have nothing in common - this seems very definite. Do you mean you don't know if you do have anything in common?
The last line ... I'm not sure whether this is really happening or not. Either way. I don't think it really adds anything. Also "well, that's just fine" - is this ironic? I'm guessing. It could take a exclamation mark. If not, it's not fine ... perhaps I am suggesting there could be more of an emotional direction, of discovery ... you notice him / her and gradually the silence / attraction fills the room (for you) until it's all you can think about (although you are projecting this onto him / her who is reading book) and then what ...? Does this make sense? Other than that I like the meter and flow and all.