06-10-2013, 04:38 PM
Hi Leanne, this one has had me going back and forth as I change my mind about what is within here. I also got a similar image to Billy as one of my musings, but then I also got an image of motherhood! (Oh and then I thought that TOMH also had a good take. 
Who knows what you were thinking as you wrote this 
but this does not detract from my pleasure of the read. As we already have the other two ideas set out I'll offer up the motherhood thought lines.
I awoke with different stripes The first two lines put me in mind of waking up after the birth of my first. Suddenly I was a new person (I had changed my spots - I now had stripes).
finger-painted on my hide, Thinking stretch marks as well as the inevitable fun but messy stages of child play.
the sort that only show when your eyes are closed. This has sad and distant overtones for me. It seems to speak of times past - memories that can only be conjoured when your eyes are closed. I think this stanza is a memory play of a time that seems another life time ago. It feels like a mixture of good and bad recollections because as Billy said in his read notes the stripe also would indicate the stripes of beatings. So I'm getting a mix of images within the same memory tape....But for me this works as this is exactly how memories come. Joy. regret. Pain.
Shouts and flashes built my box
and I am independent of the floor
I once commanded, Again as with my thoughts on the first stanza this seems to build on the image ideas I have going in my head. shouts and flashes speak of anger to me. The box speaks of a containment and in this context I read marriage...but then this is firmly place in the past context as it was once commanded but the speaker is now independant of this. I read the floor as TOMH does in the form of a stage, this being a performance that is put on for a while
a transportable label that others know
by osmosis rather than effort, as they
absorb the quiddity you stapled to the bill.
a transportable label that others know This stanza had me mixed up for a while but I'm thinking that if connected to the idea of a performance within a marriage, then it becomes the behind doors effect of of do we really know what goes on. Also the past tense of the previous stanza close would indicate an ongoing element to past experiances with current "others" Then if I switch my image hat back to the motherhood thread, it becomes the mother seen through the eyes of maturing children. The contrasts of the mother's love with that of the brutality within the marriage.
Fragments of me leave children slowly needing less of the mother as they become day by day more independant.
in iMemories. Collected and centrifuged, The all essential photo's gathered onto a computor screen. The "i" element gives it a nice double twist on meaning and as well as comp ref I get the as seen my me image. So these then spun down and centered within the speaker's understanding.
they would yield nothing but sludge: I must admit that I struggled with the last line untill I read up what the latin referance means. Origianlly i thought it was a bit of a weak (poor me) ending. Should have known better this is a Leanne poem
My close image become perhaps a bit odd but hey I liked it so it works for me 
. I got a sort of smooth river / water under the bridge thing going on...leaving all the sludge behind. It made me think of strong and silent type...someone of an enduring quality who has not been reduced to sludge by the application of some shit from life. The speaker has moved on and left it all behind...changed the stripes for spots
omitto tacitus
[/quote]
So no real idea where your thoughts took you as you wrote. I almost feel that the between Billy, TOMH and what i have above it might be in there somewhere. But a great read and sorry no real crits as such at this stage. I'll be sure to read this a few more times so will be back if i see anything.
Who knows what you were thinking as you wrote this but this does not detract from my pleasure of the read. As we already have the other two ideas set out I'll offer up the motherhood thought lines.I awoke with different stripes The first two lines put me in mind of waking up after the birth of my first. Suddenly I was a new person (I had changed my spots - I now had stripes).
finger-painted on my hide, Thinking stretch marks as well as the inevitable fun but messy stages of child play.
the sort that only show when your eyes are closed. This has sad and distant overtones for me. It seems to speak of times past - memories that can only be conjoured when your eyes are closed. I think this stanza is a memory play of a time that seems another life time ago. It feels like a mixture of good and bad recollections because as Billy said in his read notes the stripe also would indicate the stripes of beatings. So I'm getting a mix of images within the same memory tape....But for me this works as this is exactly how memories come. Joy. regret. Pain.
Shouts and flashes built my box
and I am independent of the floor
I once commanded, Again as with my thoughts on the first stanza this seems to build on the image ideas I have going in my head. shouts and flashes speak of anger to me. The box speaks of a containment and in this context I read marriage...but then this is firmly place in the past context as it was once commanded but the speaker is now independant of this. I read the floor as TOMH does in the form of a stage, this being a performance that is put on for a while
a transportable label that others know
by osmosis rather than effort, as they
absorb the quiddity you stapled to the bill.
a transportable label that others know This stanza had me mixed up for a while but I'm thinking that if connected to the idea of a performance within a marriage, then it becomes the behind doors effect of of do we really know what goes on. Also the past tense of the previous stanza close would indicate an ongoing element to past experiances with current "others" Then if I switch my image hat back to the motherhood thread, it becomes the mother seen through the eyes of maturing children. The contrasts of the mother's love with that of the brutality within the marriage.
Fragments of me leave children slowly needing less of the mother as they become day by day more independant.
in iMemories. Collected and centrifuged, The all essential photo's gathered onto a computor screen. The "i" element gives it a nice double twist on meaning and as well as comp ref I get the as seen my me image. So these then spun down and centered within the speaker's understanding.
they would yield nothing but sludge: I must admit that I struggled with the last line untill I read up what the latin referance means. Origianlly i thought it was a bit of a weak (poor me) ending. Should have known better this is a Leanne poem
My close image become perhaps a bit odd but hey I liked it so it works for me . I got a sort of smooth river / water under the bridge thing going on...leaving all the sludge behind. It made me think of strong and silent type...someone of an enduring quality who has not been reduced to sludge by the application of some shit from life. The speaker has moved on and left it all behind...changed the stripes for spotsomitto tacitus
[/quote]
So no real idea where your thoughts took you as you wrote. I almost feel that the between Billy, TOMH and what i have above it might be in there somewhere. But a great read and sorry no real crits as such at this stage. I'll be sure to read this a few more times so will be back if i see anything.