monkey the middle is
#2
I would suggest adding tike to the third line, having the last line of the last stanza just as "Thank god too." I would also put a comma between drooling and forgot. Other then that I really like it, great use of unreliable narration.
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Messages In This Thread
monkey the middle is - by Bunx - 06-07-2013, 07:11 AM
RE: monkey the middle is - by shekutarna - 06-07-2013, 07:14 AM
RE: monkey the middle is - by Brownlie - 06-07-2013, 07:30 AM
RE: monkey the middle is - by Bunx - 06-07-2013, 10:09 AM
RE: monkey the middle is - by Volaticus - 06-08-2013, 06:52 AM
RE: monkey the middle is - by Keith - 06-08-2013, 08:18 AM
RE: monkey the middle is - by Bunx - 06-09-2013, 12:45 AM



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