Kaleidoscope Dreams

[tectak]

I lollop on my bed, lollop us a good word but is diminished here because it has comedic connotations. I feel it is ill-placed in this piece. We shall see
An arena of dreams. There is no need to capitalise each line. It is out of date and schoolboy poetry. It never could be justified...even by Coleridge et al....and I would argue with him.
I rest my head, Hopelessly familiar cliche. Say something new...in your own words
Eyes burst at the seams. nice try but not conceptually reasonable. Do you imagine eye seams? Nor eye. Sorry, I.

A mirage of bright colours,
Arranged in a pattern, I think we are talking kaleidoscopically here. Cliched by avoidance of cliche....if that makes sense.
The beauty, it smothers,
I’ve landed on Saturn. Oops....wha? who? whi? That is quite some dope you got there. This is weak and adolescent stuff. It's your own fault. Not much rhymes with "pattern"...so change it to,say, " In God sent profusion". Then you could end the stanza with confusion, illusion, diffusion, protrusion, intrusion, delusion or thousands of "...sion" words. Saturn? You're having a larf!

The brightness goes dim, Oh. Dim brightness? Not come across that since the light darked!
I start to begin, Tautologically speaking, of course. Of course you started to begin. Poor language use. Thank goodness you do not charge for this stuff
To realise I’m home
Engulfed in foam. Very forced rhyme. "I realise I'm back, covered in cack". "I realise I'm here, get me a beer." " I realise I'm home, eating a bone" Take your pick. It matters not.

Hello the modestly named bard UK
Welcome to serious crit. A line by line I think...it is a short piece. This is what is technically called not very good. The thing is puerile and childish. Sorry, but that is what comes across. You need to understand that simplistic rhymes, whilst acceptable if not obvious, are not the whole thing.
This piece is not weighty enough to warrant criticism of a damning nature and I regret that you felt it was. As another has suggested, you may be better off in the "mild" forum until you get the feel of the place. Poetically, this is probably not your best, even by your own standards, as it is so gratuitously pseudo-serious it is funny. Do not think that posting in mild is denegrating...but the crits there will help you to develop your own style and niche.
Best,
keep writing,
tectak