The worst part of being Alone
#2
Hi,

Just a few things I noticed on my read-through..
The first line sounds awkward. How about "I have known her for a long time."?
The second line in the third stanza is also off. Perhaps "She's been dancing and singing the blues with me"?
Also, I think you could trim some of the excess words away.

I have known her for a long time.
I have coexisted and shared moments with her,
Shared a life with her…
But I haven’t befriended her yet.

Just an example, it's your poem Smile

Thanks for the read.
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Messages In This Thread
The worst part of being Alone - by samneri - 06-03-2013, 11:21 AM
RE: The worst part of being Alone - by Volaticus - 06-03-2013, 11:47 AM
RE: The worst part of being Alone - by samneri - 06-03-2013, 12:12 PM
RE: The worst part of being Alone - by Volaticus - 06-03-2013, 12:23 PM
RE: The worst part of being Alone - by FayandFire - 06-03-2013, 01:47 PM
RE: The worst part of being Alone - by samneri - 06-03-2013, 02:29 PM
RE: The worst part of being Alone - by samneri - 06-03-2013, 09:59 PM



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