Balances

[billy]

hi URC
some good stuff happening in the poem, i like how the poem is given depth by using corry street, in places i think you give too much and in doing so, make the poem weaker i bolded a few lines that feel weak or don't add much that's not already been stated.

Balances

Our nights together have metamorphosed metamorpho... takes away from the earthiness of coronation street and slanging matches, would something like; 'keep erupting' be more in line with the volatility of the opening section?
into slanging matches, howling
over the sound of Coronation Street.
In our most trying times,
we are like children plucking the wings
of grotesque flies, curious yet cautious
that we might push each other too far
with remarks that dig and tear,
like vicious moths on soft satin and silk. i like the way you're incorporating the simile into the poem i'd suggest not extending them, 'on soft satin' would be enough or 'on silk' with both you rub the edge off its insight.

We both pluck, and claw, and scrape
at the edge, balancing between
anger, and sadness, and regret.
Pulling -
at my manicured nails, at the edge of your shirt. i like this line it gives some depth to some of the weaker or overused lines. (would do help after 'nails')
At my dreams, and then yours
almost incessantly.
Taking turns to see - who can hit the hardest?
With sharp, frozen arrows that never quite strike
the head - just the heart;
leaving each jagged wound to bleed out,
joining an exhibition of blemished battle wounds.

Yet when night falls -
when twilight's elegant palms brush over our souls,
we succumb to fatigue, and give up our game.
Love desperately seizes us in these rare few hours,
knowing we wake back with anger's flame.