Static Electricity

[Volaticus]

Is this another version of a poem you wrote a while back? I studied Danish for a few weeks years ago; but I failed to get the proper grip( maybe you don't speak Danish, and I'm talking all out my head). I wonder what your writings are like in your native language, though I don't at all prefer you stick to it. I'm glad you write in English so I can read it.

A lot of people that need to put more into what they write have a framework or subject, but nothing interesting. You have interesting images here, and though I figure this is based on the music festival you wrote about before, what you have here doesn't say much. It doesn't draw me in. It's interesting, it's bordering on being lovely; but it doesn't offer enough. There's enough to interest me in rare moods. But it leaves no lasting impression. And I'm an obsessive person that gets lasting impressions off most anything; so I know what lasts and what doesn't.

I'm also a horrible person that ideally hopes a person's work pleases me as much as their appearance. So don't hate me because you're beautiful. Just give me a bit more substance to read here, so I can see my ideal brought to life. I'm counting on you.

It isn't bad, but it needs more. More good stuff.

Hi rowens,
I really appreciate your thoughtful comments, thanks a bunch

Yes, this is something I have posted a while back. In the mild section, I believe. I got an encouraging comment, that made me think it was worth workshopping, so I decided to post it here in serious crit. I originally wanted to add more stanzas before posting it here, but after many hours of going nowhere, I though it'd be best if got some more feedback, to guide me in the right direction.

Yeah, I've heard Danish is a very difficult language to learn. But I can't tell. It's my native language, I don't even remember learning it. It's just there.
I too, wonder what my writings in Danish are like. I mean.. I like them, but that's not saying much, without other people's opinions too. I've tried translating some of them, but I don't think the poems work very well that way.

I'm glad you're counting on me I'm still only a novice poet, but I'm eager to learn. Can I ask what it would take, for it to leave you with a lasting impression? What the poem needs for you to be satisfied as a reader?

My best,
-LB

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Don't fireflies have a scent though?

I don't think fireflies have a scent I've tried to explain it in my post to trueenigma, why I used the word "fragrant" about them.