Flagrante Delicto REVISED

[Word Weaver]

First of all, I really love this poem. The descriptions are amazing and really paint a picture for me. There's not a lot I would actually change, I'd just take the best parts of it and concentrate them into a really brilliant poem.

I chopped out the first stanza as I don't think it really adds much to it. You could re-write it, but you describe the state of the sun and the time later on in your poem.

Wait..
For that magical moment,
When day meets night
And the sun romances the moon.

It's a fleeting instance, I hate tis
Perfectly opportune-
As darkness
Unveils
before light. These three lines...too many line breaks, I'm not sure about it.

Crimson amber in flirtatious streaks
Blush in anticipation,
Dallying,
in Sweet persuasion
ever,
ever so slow. Best stanza so far, I love it

Seducing the vast horizon
Her shrouded mantle spreads demurely,
Resisting his persistent display.

Acquiescing surrender,
In vain, a gentle truce is met-
“Madam, Till we meet again..”
Relinquishing the day. These two stanzas, with lack of a better word, are deliciously brilliant

Melting embers sink in,
Doused completely,
Dives deep, into the watery ravine. I don't get this I'm afraid. It's probably me being a simpleton. I presume it's describing the vivid colours of the sunset and all that - it's a beautiful time of day, really elaborate on it i meant this to be the sun disappearing into the sea- the watery ravine

Peeking from her hooded cloak,
The moon smiles, boldly charmed. Lovely imagery
Unrobed by flattery, stripping in glittering delight,
and takes the night full reign.

With a sudden start,
I realized
I stayed up much too late
I’ve caught them At
their rendezvous, " en flagrante"
Worth all the wait! I like the idea of this stanza, but it needs the delicate hand of which you've written a lot of the poem with.

Please revise this, it's beautiful

Sincerely Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Truly appreciate Your comments and pointers which are invaluable to me and will be greatly considered when I revise this piece. Best regards, Kate

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For some strange reason, Im I am drawn to the tis, and twas in poems lol Im going to work on the last stanza too! Sincerely Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Truly appreciate Your comments and pointers which are invaluable to me and will be greatly considered when I revise this piece. Best regards, Kate

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I enjoyed the imagery of this piece. I love sunsets! You captured it. The first and third stanzas bogged it down a bit for me. Is it good manners here just to chop? Sorry if not! I thought your breaks were right on.

Wait..
For that magical moment
When day meets night
And the sun romances the moon.

Crimson amber in flirtatious streaks
Blush in anticipation, << Blushing in anticipation.
Dallying,
in Sweet persuasion
ever,
ever so slow.

Seducing the vast horizon
Her shrouded mantle spreads demurely,
Resisting his persistent display.

Acquiescing surrender,
In vain, a gentle truce is met-
“Madam, Till we meet again..”
Relinquishing the day.

Melting embers sink in,
Doused completely,
Dives deep, into the watery ravine. <
Peeking from her hooded cloak,
The moon smiles, boldly charmed.
Unrobed by flattery, strips in glittering delight,
and takes the night full reign.

With a sudden start,
I realized
I stayed up much too late
I’ve caught them At
their rendezvous, " en flagrante"
Worth all the wait!

Thank you so much..Im working on my revision and consider the pointers offered! My best, kate