Flagrante Delicto REVISED

[Magpie]

The sun is setting
Its getting late
Still I lingered awhile
To watch and wait.

Wait..
For that magical moment
When day meets night
And the sun romances the moon.

Tis a fleeting instance, Tis a bit old fashioned Tis
Perfectly opportune- why hyphen here
As darkness
Unveils
before light.

Crimson amber in flirtatious streaks I love this line
Blush in anticipation,
Dallying,
in Sweet persuasion
ever,
ever so slow.

Seducing the vast horizon This line is very good also
Her shrouded mantle spreads demurely,
Resisting his persistent display. These two stanzas stand out
they are the essence of this poem
Acquiescing surrender, good use of word
In vain, a gentle truce is met- not sure about hyphen
“Madam, Till we meet again..” met then meet sounds repetitive
Relinquishing the day.

Melting embers sink in, Back to good poetic lines
Doused completely,
Dives deep, into the watery ravine. this doesn't seem to read well

Peeking from her hooded cloak,
The moon smiles, boldly charmed.
Unrobed by flattery, strips in glittering delight, the wording is
and takes the night full reign. awkward here

With a sudden start, the humour is good
I realized here but as a whole the stanza
I stayed up much too late seems disconnected from
I’ve caught them At the rest of the poem in
their rendezvous, " en flagrante" its style.
Worth all the wait!

Hi I like the idea of this poem and at times your imagery is beautifully rich and gorgeous, especially the line "Crimson amber in flirtatious streaks" I do have a weakness for the word crimson and when followed by amber it is bound to be a winner.
I do think stanzas 4 and 5 and possibly 6 are the essence of this poem and if the rest of the poem was of the same quality and poetic beauty it would be a very good poem indeed.
I think that the first 2 or 3 stanzas could be condensed into probably 1 and still express the same point.
The last stanza although good in its intention seems a bit disconnected from the rest of the poem.
I do hope that you will consider doing an edit of this because it has great potential which I would like to see come to fruition.
Thanks for the read and those great lines. I look forward to reading more of your poetry soon.
Thanks AR