First Love

[bella_di_moda]

Hey Nevermore,
I absolutely adore this poem!
I see that someone has commented on the typo errors but I hope that they were all deliberate because I think that the grammar issues give it a real voice. I'm usually very critical of people in everyday life when they use the wrong tense etc. but here it really works. It reminds of something Lana Del Rey would say and I am literally her devotee!

The repetitive element of the 'ore' sound to me just makes the narrator sound like a crazed lover- the effect I feel the poem goes for.

The only thing I would say is does the poem have a title? Is it 'First Love'? If it is then I think you could maybe work on the title a little more as it is just a little to sweet and innocent sounding. Although it does contrast nicely against the poem I think you could have an immediate impact with the title.

Hope I've helped and I really enjoy your poem,
Pippa

Can I forgot it I can say anymore,
My burden is big I can tell it evermore,
How you was so cold i can't say it anymore.
I still love you but for how long?

I will love you but you will never love me
That anymore.It was easy to say:
''I dont love you anymore''
But you never forget it for how long you
Will remember it...

And I was imagining you in dress on prom,
You was so beutiful and gone,
I live for that moment to dance with you alone
To see you maybe for last time but you are forever gone.