05-29-2013, 11:54 PM
The first stanza makes good sense, nothing wrong with it really. It introduces the situation well without being too in your face.
Ive grown tired,ok, that's fine clinging to their dreams, Who's dreams? You couldn't even guess as you didn't hint at anyone before this line.
I've been drying out up here! You just said your feet were soggy
My skins cracked, it falls slowly down
waiting lightly on the water. The last two lines don't make any sense because there's nothing to base them on
It's very unclear what the aim of your poem is. Is it about your dreams dying? You could write another stanza about who's dreams you are clinging to, it would be clearer to the reader then.
Ive grown tired,ok, that's fine clinging to their dreams, Who's dreams? You couldn't even guess as you didn't hint at anyone before this line.
I've been drying out up here! You just said your feet were soggy
My skins cracked, it falls slowly down
waiting lightly on the water. The last two lines don't make any sense because there's nothing to base them on
It's very unclear what the aim of your poem is. Is it about your dreams dying? You could write another stanza about who's dreams you are clinging to, it would be clearer to the reader then.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)