05-29-2013, 09:23 PM
Enjoyable poem, thanks for sharing.
"The upturned lifeboat bounces and bobs.
The voice of the sea speaks to the soul"
I would make this one line by removing the period, thus making the upturned bounces and bobs the voice the sea speaks to the soul.
I really like this line, in a short collection of poems this could stand on its own.
As with the rest of the poem, I am not sure if I get the cat/sea connection. I would equate a cat to a pond, not the rough sea. For me, I would remove that stanza and call the poem complete.
"The upturned lifeboat bounces and bobs.
The voice of the sea speaks to the soul"
I would make this one line by removing the period, thus making the upturned bounces and bobs the voice the sea speaks to the soul.
I really like this line, in a short collection of poems this could stand on its own.
As with the rest of the poem, I am not sure if I get the cat/sea connection. I would equate a cat to a pond, not the rough sea. For me, I would remove that stanza and call the poem complete.