05-29-2013, 07:54 PM
This poem fails dreadfully because it is constructed around the driving requirement that it MUST, whatever else, rhyme.
Not all poems must rhyme, but those that do require a careful and aesthetically pleasing amalgamation of meaning, rhythm and rhyme. This poem has no such mix.
The last line, "My sweet eternal boo" is so bad that it could only work if Yogi Bear were the poet.
If you can unlock your mind from the straitjacket of mandatory rhyme at all costs, you may well discover that your poetry would become more relaxed and natural.
Keep working on it.....
Not all poems must rhyme, but those that do require a careful and aesthetically pleasing amalgamation of meaning, rhythm and rhyme. This poem has no such mix.
The last line, "My sweet eternal boo" is so bad that it could only work if Yogi Bear were the poet.
If you can unlock your mind from the straitjacket of mandatory rhyme at all costs, you may well discover that your poetry would become more relaxed and natural.
Keep working on it.....