Autumn

[lennox222]

Behold, green to brown and green to gold!

-- When colors are used like these I feel they should be symbolic.

Why?

"Soon, exposed, the stubble fields,
Leaves, underfoot, compress and mould", -- I would give a more clear detail.

Why, within the context of the poem? This is a poem, not a detailed treatise on Autumn.

"Autumn asserts, as summer yields".

-- Most people know the seasons

I was using a metaphoric struggle between Summer and Autumn
to symbolise and emphasise the seasonal change.

"Branches heavy with fruit galore,"

-- What kind of fruit?


This is a poem of seasonal imagery - not a jam-making recipe.

"Nuts to hasten the squirrel’s task,"

--- I would give a detail about a squirrel getting nuts

Ditto above - this is not a poem about squirrels.

"Garner them for the winter store!"

-- Ok the exclamation points make me think of whitman in his jubilation. When I think of a poem about autumn I expect something more depressing about old age.

This poem is supposed to be upbeat about seasonal change. Sorry that it disappoints your expectation.

"Press apples for the cider cask!"

-- This seems to be one of your better details your whole poem could be about making cider.

Don't understand how one short line reference to cider should convert the poem into one of making cider.

"Creatures, prepare for frost and snow,
For days so short and nights so long,"

-- the "so" doesn't seem to be working

Poetic emphasis and rhythm - sorry that it does not work for you.

"Soon, flocks of birds migrating go,
Hail winter with their silent song".

I don't thnk there is a song if the air is silent.

You are a literal thinker. Ever heard of someone's arrival having been greeted by silence?

"So let’s wrap up and take a stroll,
Kick up the leaves along our way,
Let fall and winter take their toll",

-- March onward to the buds of May! --

Not a bad little pun others might cringe at it though

I was not thinking of the March-May pun when I wrote this line. However, this unintentional pun is not unwelcome, in my opinion, within the context of the poem.




Symbolism varies but most of the poems I've seen that deal with autumn are talking about old age. Spring is youth and winter is death. That being said your poem is not so bad. My suggestion is to read some poems about autumn... Most of the one's I've read are depressing.

Why should autumnal poetry be depressing?

I was not focussing primarily on symbolism, but picking up certain key elements of Autumn and using them to create upbeat rhythm and feeling.


Many thanks for posting your detailed critique.