Bad Boys Club

[billy]

hi alch, i placed your edit above the original so people can better compare them. while i agree that the removed line feels awkward i do think you could use it in a different form. a suggestion would be something like;

blustering over lofty judgements.

i get a feel that the poem's really about more than mere discussion and more about trolls etc. i think you have the core of a decent poem that's needs a bit more image-wise. it sort of tales off near the end.

good effort.

Behind the anonymity of the Avatar i like the opening two lines, this one explains well that under our nics we're (some) still unknown
bad boys bicker. i do wonder if this line is a bit sexist
They strap on silver spurs.
Never sleeping, crowing and clawing,
at this cockfight of egos. why not just 'in cockfights of ego'
Masks wear thin this could be expanded on as it's a little cliche.
as hints are dropped.
Who is Who and
Who said What?
Where is the Sage
who speaks few words,
yet shares His
Infinite Wisdom?

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1st revision

original
Bad Boys Club

Behind the anonymity of the Avatar
bad boys bicker,
bantering lofty judgements about.
They strap on silver spurs
never sleeping,
crowing
and clawing,
at this cockfight
of egos.
Masks wear thin
as hints are dropped,
Who is Who,
and Who said
What?
Where is the Sage
who speaks few words,
yet shares
Infinite Wisdom
with the huddled masses?