05-28-2013, 10:50 PM
(05-27-2013, 11:33 PM)Ajax Wrote: The creaking shadows of dominions shore, "Dominions" in this context needs an apostrophe.A somewhat scary poem which reads like a propaganda pamphlet. It has some neat images and rhymes. All critique is JMHO. Thank you for the read
Move again! Like long lost lore. I didn't get this simile at first, but I'm coming around to it. It makes me think of stories and passions being passed down between generations.
The stirring death of your grandfathers war, "grandfathers'"
Will return! In multiples of gore.
The lightnings crack and thunders roar, Should the "s"s in this line be on "crack" and "roar" instead?
At war! Are we, we once more.
The brandishing knives and uniforms tore,
For country! Comes the ignorant corp.
All comments/critiques are appreciated!
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe