05-28-2013, 10:46 PM
I enjoyed the rhyme scheme of this piece. It took me to the period rhyme schemes of the Civil War. This brought me right in to the Grandfathers' war.
I agree with the suggestions of DuelNature. Those adjustments would tighten it up.
Like Rose Love I'm left wondering how you feel about the perpetuation of war. I would like to see a third stanza. I want to know what you see as the meaning of the ignorance and futility of war.
I liked your last line;
For country! Comes the ignorant corp.
It gave me insight to your meaning,
but left me wanting more. Heh heh
I agree with the suggestions of DuelNature. Those adjustments would tighten it up.
Like Rose Love I'm left wondering how you feel about the perpetuation of war. I would like to see a third stanza. I want to know what you see as the meaning of the ignorance and futility of war.
I liked your last line;
For country! Comes the ignorant corp.
It gave me insight to your meaning,
but left me wanting more. Heh heh