05-28-2013, 05:39 PM
if it's a song, then it deserves being aired in a forum for such. (feel free to post songs in the miscellaneous forum saying it's lyrics etc) as a piece of poetry it's more or less to be an extended cliche, most of the lines are fairly common, specially with lyrics. the end rhymes needs some working on as well. i know most of what i say has already been said but i think it helps the poet when ideas are reinforced. maybe use the mild or novice forum where the feedback is less in-depth and better able to be taken in.