05-28-2013, 10:42 AM
(not sex) giving feedback. this is the 1st post of a new member, not the 2nd or the 3rd post but the 1st post.
what i found amazing is the way the poster juggled kindness with honesty. is it a great piece of insightful feedback? may be not but it's a great effort from someone whose starting out on the giving of feedback. anyone who starts out with the intent of giving this kind of feedback is the type of member we want here. well done jean....
maybe discussion isn't the place for this post but it would be good if you discuss it.
my view is this, most poets aren't good poets when they start out, nor are good critics. but both have a better chance if they post like the person above than if they simply leave a one liner stating how a poem made them pee their pants with glee
Quote:Hello there! I've just joined this in the last five minutes and have never done anything like this before either, so please forgive me if I'm doing something idiotic, like typing this reply in completely the wrong place.
So, your poem - wow! I feel for you! This poem goes straight to the heart because it feels as though it comes straight from your heart - honestly and bravely. It reads like a plea and a prayer and makes the reader want to embrace and reassure the writer. So that is great - your poem knocks gently at the heart of the reader. The subject matter is one which I'm sure almost everybody can relate to and empathise with. I love the poem's directness and clarity. I feel as though the difficult subject is being managed by being articulated so carefully. It's freshness and honesty is most appealing.
The fact that there is a strict rhyme scheme makes me, (and others may disagree with this), feel that either you need to tighten up the rythmn a bit, or you need to loosen up on the rhyming. Rhymes don't have to come at the ends of lines. I have the feeling though that you maybe enjoy working with a form at the moment. It can be very satisfying, can't it? Like sudoku or crosswords - only the perfect word will do. So maybe you could have a go at looking at the number of syllables in each line and where the stresses of each syllable lie. This would help the flow of the poem in general.
But it's fresh, heartfelt and a brave little poem. Thank you for sharing it and I look forward to reading more!
what i found amazing is the way the poster juggled kindness with honesty. is it a great piece of insightful feedback? may be not but it's a great effort from someone whose starting out on the giving of feedback. anyone who starts out with the intent of giving this kind of feedback is the type of member we want here. well done jean....
maybe discussion isn't the place for this post but it would be good if you discuss it.
my view is this, most poets aren't good poets when they start out, nor are good critics. but both have a better chance if they post like the person above than if they simply leave a one liner stating how a poem made them pee their pants with glee