no drama (edit based upon tec and billy)

no drama (edit based upon tec and billy)

~~serge gurkski~~ Offline

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Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012

#12

05-25-2013, 08:49 AM

(05-25-2013, 07:50 AM)billy Wrote: mainly the last stanza i see, it does read better as does the removal of the vid
still not sure the last stanza is at it's best but it is a lot better

I will change it to:

The clowneries of love affairs aside,
when summer bumps into me,
my goodbye address will read:
the French, it wasn't bad.

cheers
serge

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Messages In This Thread

no drama (edit based upon tec and billy) - by serge gurkski - 05-24-2013, 01:00 AM

RE: no drama - by Bunx - 05-24-2013, 01:11 AM

RE: no drama - by serge gurkski - 05-24-2013, 01:21 AM

RE: no drama - by tectak - 05-24-2013, 01:49 AM

RE: no drama - by serge gurkski - 05-24-2013, 02:24 AM

RE: no drama - by tectak - 05-24-2013, 05:01 AM

RE: no drama - by serge gurkski - 05-24-2013, 08:22 AM

RE: no drama - by tectak - 05-24-2013, 04:28 PM

RE: no drama - by billy - 05-24-2013, 04:59 PM