Jess Land Sum

[tectak]

Geez man I only meant like a tip or two on it (puncuation). Can you elaborate on how you found it clichéd though?, I don't understand. Also the same with my word use, what exactly about it was incompetent. I don't really get offended easily, but I'd like for you to at least give examples to go along with your crit on it, instead of just saying there's something wrong, I'd like to see why you thought that way. And get a grip on myself? Im sorry that I asked for a little help on punctuation, theres no need to attack the poet personally for it. And once again, with moot pieces, and little poetic merit, this is full of poetic devices that I actually spent time writing, elaborate on that, because from here it looks like your saying that just because you didn't get it. And i'll try to find someone that could possibly help me with minor tips on punctuation, and maybe repost it.

Thanks,
-James

Hi james,
First, punctuation. Here is a randomly chosen "block" from your piece, as you wrote it.Is the punctuation good?

Just, say, Don't, doubt, The hundred year Drought will Bind into the air Once your mind Paints in astral colors It's not there But this bridge between Our lands of rooftops With eyes and streets Where the red is dye, Is opening a crack To sprinkle the start, It showed it's crippling palms, So lost, void, It may have just Fell apart

Line breaks do not punctuate. Ever. If you edit this and repost you will only make it better.

Word use: Fallen apart.
" Will evermore be proned" Check "prone"
concreate. concrete
seep trough the underchair. through.
denote of the sickle soar. denote? Nonsense.

There is much of a similar vein which detracts fom the message.

I don't EVER try to "get" a poem. If it is clear I am happy with the concept, if it is unclear I am not...but the crit is the same. If you cannot see what I see....you don't "get" it either
Best,
tectak
Edit and we will go at it again...or leave as is and go home happy. Your poem.