no drama (edit based upon tec and billy)

[serge gurkski]

hi serge, the problem i have is this, do i read your poem and leave feedback on it or do i fuck off a watch a vid of some foreign bird sing in a language i have no interest in and can't understand? the vid adds absolutely fuck all to the poem for me, but took up 4 minutes of my time watching it and 5 minutes of my time writing about how it meant fuck all; you can see what i'm getting at can't you

the poem on the other hand is worth reading. i do like how you express yourself in the poetry you write, it feels free. and somehow drags the reader into it. this is no different though i think it could do with a smallish edit.

The French was lovely. great opener
Coming up next
in the theatre of lusting hearts,
and now You rock, is 'and now' needed?
show no inhibitions
and no underwear, good image, i hope it's a girl should it end with a period?

My Lady Applebright: you are
right for my heart,
so: no drama, please,
as we approach perfection. i think this last line ties in well with the title as it feels laid back

I feel so sublime is 'so sublime' any different that 'sublime'?
now in my prime please make this rhyme go away
fading away
into other nothingnesses.
Please chase my uneasy not a phrase i've heard but it works
right out through the door.

Can you do that,
can you love me
while I am dead?
Born under a bad sign,
under a cheesecake moon. lovely tasting line.

When I was born
heaven made a mistake,
and it is hard times
to remedy that not. this stanza need work not does it

Let me repeat for you just this: here same work it needs

The French was not bad. great finish but not as great as good french

Hi billy,
thank you for looking into this.
I've done a smallish edit. ,-)
I have also thrown out the chick, Elis Regina, because you have already listened to her. ,-)

cheers

serge, hon. Brit