Alexis

[Todd]

Hi Rob,

I'm going to deal with the poem, and not the real life situation behind it. Not meaning this to come across as callous mostly just looking at how to make the poem stronger (in my opinion). Here are some comments for you:

First off the title, an Ode follows a certain format. This isn't an ode. I'd consider changing the title just to correct that.

It ends with death,
starts with life.--I think you're missing an opportunitity here. I would consider reversing the ideas: It starts with death, ends with life. Ending with death is what we would assume. Working against that assumption would help you. In a way, the death is what starts this. The life that goes on from that point is a sort of ending. I think the reversal would bring more interest to the phrasing
Alexis, why did you hold my--You may want to mess with your line breaks a bit here. I'm going to suggest doing a line break after you each time you have it phrased this way. The question the narrator wants to know is why did you kill yourself. The hesitation and the switch to the other questions is how he deals with the pain. So in this instance I would move "hold my" down to the next line with "hand at the prom"
hand at prom?

Why? Did you have to
be drunk?

Why? Did you have to sit next to
Jake and I in art class?--Obviously, I'm suggesting the line break. I would also cut and I from the construction. It's not as much about being true to the facts, but being true to what is more emotional.

Why? Did i fall in love.--Capitalize the I

And why was I on the side lines,--something stronger than this. Dig deeper. The speaker knows why so go a few layers below this observation
at your funeral.

Why? Suicide?

Every word my breath
breathes;
is for you babe.--Maybe cut the semicolon and the "for you babe" bring the is up a line and repeat the refrain with the why

Why? --after this why, I'd drop the why's and shift to more of the anger

Why, was I in a Christian band,
because of that we could not hold hands,
back then.--shorten this to "we could not hold hands back then"

Even though you saw me,--don't think you need "saw me"
and wrapped those fingers,--you could cut and and substitute your for those
in mine.

Why?

Does everyone think--Maybe simply "Everyone thinks"
you are my angel.
I don't fucking know,--maybe lead this line in with an "and"
what heaven is.

But if this is heaven
I am an angel.
but,
such
heaven could never
exist.--this strophe feels oddly constructed.

Babe, sometime's on the Zi.
I could not wait to die. just--I would try to make this a bit more universal with "sometimes I cannot wait to die"
at the thought of seeing.
you being there.--Maybe tighten some "thinking of seeing you there

Your golden brown hair.--like this detail

Why?--cut at this point

Did I not grab you that night and say.
Please Alexis, PLEASE!!
be my girlfriend.--Tighten this into something a layer of two deeper. This is where you think you could hold her back from the decision

Love,
killed.
you.
the,
end.--Is this: Love killed you. The End

or, Love killed you in the end

The punctuation needs to be smoothed out. I prefer the second option but either actually work.

Sincerely yours in life,
Robert Thomas Cave.

PS, i still cry

There is probably more to say, but it will come out in the edits.

Best,

Todd